[pokes head into tumblr] you kids having fun in here? haha of course ya are! just let me know if you need any more snacks or salsa or anything, we got plenty, y’hear? okay now bye!
I Will Face God and Walk Backwards Into Hell
RSS
bam’s retirement party
I never use tumblr anymore but I’ve got a thing to promote so I guess I’ll use it
You might like this video if you like Doctor Who, or moral philosophy, or time travel, or long videos that make you think about stuff, or bad jokes, or the sound of my voice, or The Good Place, or “pop” sound effects that play when text shows up on screen, or that old tumblr meme where you explain something complicated using a bad powerpoint with comic sans, or an old granny saying the sentence “steal me a boat, my child”. If you can’t muster any affection for at least one of those things, then this video is not for you
Bam is out sick today with a sinus headache. Her husband came into the office today, to check her email for her.
One of my co-workers always mangles common figures of speech.
“They’re just flying like rats off the boat.”
“Something’s not quite right in Denmark.”
“I think I’ve exhausted all revenues.”
“This is like stickin’ one of those needles in a haystack!”
“She’s the kind of person who’d give you the shit off her back.”
Okay, different co-worker this time. I was in the office late and he asked if I was “burning the midnight owl.”
Okay back to the usual co-worker for a wistful: “Oh I love the French Prince of Bel Air.”
“Peyton Manning? That guy’s as clean as toast.”
“That’s just one more oil in the ointment.”
“She’s stuck between a hard rock and a place to put that rock.”
New variant of that last one: “She’s stuck between a hard rock and a place to poop.”
“It’s another chick in the armor.”
“she did it real quick, like biff bam whang, thank you ma'am“
“I was so angry at her, I was all over her like a, like a wet noodle… with.. with… with french toast on it.”
(usually we just let these things slide and I stifle a laugh but this time everyone in the office was like “WHAT EVEN?”)
“Five minutes? You want me to wait FIVE MINUTES? I could have a baby in five minutes!”
“my cuppeth’s run over, over here!”
“she knows about it, but I don’t know about it. the kettle doesn’t know who’s… generating the heat.”
I overheard the end of a Bam anecdote:
“And then she had the NERVE to make everybody eat that macaroni. I couldn’t take it. I just left. If I didn’t die of a heart attack that night, I know I never will,”
Bam getting distracted on the way to checking her email.
“Zac Efron. Zac Efron.”
“When is Megan Marker–Marko? Markle? Having her baby? I think she’s been pregnant forever.”
“I think Tom Selleck is so handsome.”
I am gonna miss Bam reading the paper out loud when she’s supposed to be working
Bam is retiring April 4th!
I’m so sad!
Bam is telling us how she and her husband went to five guys last night and made friends with a six year old
About I Will Face God and Walk Backwards Into Hell
I am Mister Tom from The Chapter Titles Were So Good (which is a podcast about Harry Potter) and also I am Tom from The Cloister Room (which is a podcast about Doctor Who). [He/Him/His or They/Them/Their]